Apples to Oranges

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, or so they say.

So I started eating an apple everyday.

I started eating an apple everyday because I was tired of going to the doctor for every reason under the sun.

I started eating an apple everyday because I was tired of being told that it was normal to feel this way sometimes.

But what was normal about wishing that every time I close my eyes I wouldn’t have to open them again, because when I open my eyes all I can see and hear are the words that people said the day before. 

I was tired of being told by my doctor that these meds will make it better but what she didn’t tell me was that the meds would only numb the pain that gushed through my veins every time my heart beat. 

I started eating an apple everyday but slicing into the apple made me think too much about slicing into my own skin to make sure that I can still feel something at all.

I started eating an apple everyday because I was tired of confusing my reality with my nightmares because my reality felt like a nightmare and my nightmares reminded me too much of my reality for me to want to close my eyes.

I started eating an apple everyday because I needed help, help that the doctors could not give me. 

After eating an apple everyday for a few days, weeks, even months, maybe I’ll stop going to the doctor for every reason under the sun

And the pain that gushed through my veins every time my heart beat would simply be replaced by an entirely different feeling. 

After slicing an apple everyday for a few days, weeks, even months, maybe I will know what it feels like to not want to slice into my own skin just to feel something.

After eating an apple everyday for a few days, weeks, even months, maybe my dreams will become just dreams, my nightmares will become just that and I will finally stop allowing the demons into my reality. I might just finally close my eyes.

After eating an apple everyday for a few days, weeks, months, maybe I can be standing in the kitchen like I normally do, cutting an apple into slices for an afternoon snack, and I would start thinking to myself about how I am more of an orange person.