The Plan

He drives a hearse
Says it keeps him off the streets
Plus, he has an empathy with death
His dog died
One time they brought this woman in
He started jumping up and down
The ex-wife, sheer elation
Sadly, it turned out to be somebody else
But he phoned just to check
He answered
She was fasting
Still trying to get down to that ideal weight then
I’ll phone back in three years
One phone slammed down
It’s always the little things that cheer you up
Someday he thought
They would both come in together
Actually made the job worth doing
But for now
He would tenderly prepare the ex-wife's body double
Tonight he would get back to his book
Titled
How to get away with it.