Barriers

she_was_torture

The silence in my head is so loud,

All I can hear is my blood rushing through my system. 

A quiet ringing invades my thoughts. 

But no words. 

How can one person have so many words inside of them? 

And another so little? 

How can one person sit and talk for hours on end about one thing? 

And another have nothing to say at the end? 

How does one go from raging emotions to blank space in a matter of seconds? 

Because that's what I am. 

A big, empty blank space. 

No matter how hard I try, 

I can't bring myself to talk. 

As if there is a barrier around my mind, 

Around my words. 

Someone has locked them up 

And all I can do is sit in the silence and let it overtake me. 

Every once in a while, the barrier cracks 

And words flood into my heart, 

Try to claw their way out of my throat. 

But, someone has placed another barrier- 

Over my mouth. 

When I do have words, they're internal. 

No matter how much I want to say them 

Or I know that I should say them, 

Something stops me every time. 

Catches my tongue at the last second. 

Reigns in my thoughts like a wild horse that needs tampering. 

Someone is behind the curtain, always snuffing out my flame. 

And there is no one else to stop them. 

Nothing can stop the right hand that suffocates me. 

My friends are always asking for answers I can't give them. 

Literally. There are things I want to say but when it is time for those words to make their way out, 

Someone holds them back, erases them from my memory. 

And I am left with silence. 

  • Author: she_was_torture (Offline Offline)
  • Published: February 27th, 2022 18:27
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 10
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
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Comments1

  • L. B. Mek

    'When I do have words, they're internal.'
    and that's perfectly normal
    (imagine it this way
    if you were a librarian
    this very same traits
    you so disdain
    would make you a superstar)
    lol
    forgive me, I'm not making light
    or trying to add to the toxicity
    of a world you're so disillusioned with;
    rather, I just wanted
    to drop-in a little perspective..
    see, often
    its not our good or bad habits
    that makes us feel so isolated
    it more likely to be
    that we're so overwhelmed
    by our inner monologues
    and thought processes, we lack
    the opportunity to look up
    and around us, to see
    everyone else, is dealing
    with similarly crippling
    fears and insecurities
    the only difference
    is that their biological lottery ticket
    gifts, allows them
    more substantial
    coping methodologies, where us
    some of us have to do it all
    on our own
    but we must be careful, Not
    to confuse
    being alone, with being lonely..
    if the world isn't a good fit for you
    then F'ck it
    you just concentrate on the minutia details
    that offer you some respite
    maybe by concentrating on them
    you'll path a way to like minded people
    and a place in the world, you feel comfortable
    being yourself!
    (such a wonderfully expressive write
    thank you! for choosing to share)
    I wish you, the very best!
    (please forgive me if you find my words in any way disagreeable
    I meant no disrespect)



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