At Least I Can Laugh About It Now, Kind Of

And in the end, I know you tried to be kind 

In the only screwed up way you knew how

But you really hurt me

We really should have never happened 

Birthday the same day as my ex-husband 

I told you from the start, it will end badly but the sex will be hot

You took such good care of me

First date that shouldn't have been, Covid on Christmas 

You bringing me popsicles with paper towel wrapped around the bottom so my hands didn't get cold

And making me iced coffee when I cried that I wanted to go home

Borrowing your jammies and napping the day away in your bed

Covid didn't stop you from kissing me

And mushrooms on Christmas Eve

You kept me five days...maybe it was all Stockholm Syndrome

I still think of you, carefully observing me 

Noting that my eyes are green with brown rings around the pupils, with a dark blue ring around the outside 

In afternoon sun, lying on your bed

Cataloging me, only you ever noticed the blue

Still missing you

Waking me up breathing in my skin, tucked up and into you

Smelling the back of my neck, starting up again

Taking in my pheromones,  telling me I turn sweet and just taking me again

I think of you kissing me in the kitchen, cradling my face in your hands

Then you ruined it by saying I looked smitten and to tell the truth, I would have been

You made me think I could trust you to catch me if I did fall 

I can't help I approach everything with wide eyes and an open heart

Always listening to you, with your run on stream of consciousness 

Talking about events from years ago, since you dont really live now

You said we didn't have anything in common 

We did on paper, but you are not the person you said you were at all

And you never asked me anything about myself, and got annoyed if I interjected anything to the same stories you kept telling

Concerts and festivals years ago

And here I was looking at tickets, thinking this could still work

You weren't a spark of possibility, but the last ember of a fire burnt out long ago

You should have just had a conversation with me

And not your ex-wife

Her helping write a cold and impersonal text message because she's "polite"

She didn't know me at all

The last time I saw you, apparently normal people don't have face to face conversations?

Seeing you hands clenched, red faced and shaking, all anxiety

Twisting all my words to suit your excuses, I knew there was nothing I could say now

But you said you like me?

I think you were just lonely

Or if you just wanted sex, you should've said so.

It doesn't stop me from thinking good thoughts, missing you, and wishing you well.

You will probably get a box of glitter on your birthday, though.