disillusionment

i spent it, every second, 

every minute that you gave me

to grow up, i spent it spinning out 

going crazy, i spent it 

every nickel you gave me

got dropped, flipped, popped 

and traded into gum-balls

they’ll fill up my mouth

they trickle out… their little compartment, 

they’ll jumble jangle and taste like parchment 

and on my paper wafers i munch and munch 

without pages some days i swallow poems for lunch

i spent it, every second, 

every minute that i had to myself 

i spent it, wondering

waiting to start editing 

start stopping stopping myself

i spent it, all my alone time

writing i’m writing something sad 

and i’m spending it, this second 

scribbling this is in a sketch pad