I'm Slowly Dying

it’s the taste of ash on your tongue

the burning sensation of leaving your hands too close to the fire

the feel of flames kissing your skin

it’s the strangling of smoke as it fills your lungs

fills your eyes

fills your blood

 

it's the coughing as you forget how to breathe

as time fills your skull and oozes from every pore on your godforsaken body

we're all slowly dying

 

it's the scratches you leave on your skin as you try to hold anything solid

it's the screaming of when you thought you finally had someone who loved you

the taste of iron and the burn of a razor

the depth of the blade is not enough

never enough

 

it's the begging for death that occurs each and every night

it's the names that you've forgotten and even more so the ones that you remember

they fill the cracks in you

are they keeping you together or pushing you apart?

you are slowly dying

 

it's the rock in your shoe that you never take out because you deserve the discomfort

the tears on your friend's faces as they look upon your decaying, bruised body

they know that you are dying

they know that I am dying

 

it's the bandaids that are scattered across your arms

the painted bruises on your face

it's the cuts and the marks and the wounds from sleepless nights

the lines that prove you haven't slept

 

it fills my every thought

it's that tragic thought of dying

it's the wishing for release that you can never seem to grasp

 

it's the rope that's on my counter

the knife that's in your bag

it's the bottle of pills in the medicine cabinet that has yet to be thrown away

it's the burning of a cigarette

it's the taste of alcohol as it pours down our throats and the sharp swerve of a steering wheel

 

I am slowly dying

it's not some secret fact

it's something I've been waiting for since that first day a long way back

 

I've been slowly dying 

now you won't miss me much

I just hope you take a moment

and make sure that you aren't