home again, home again

queer-with-a-pen

i wonder if building

a house inside of myself

wouldn’t be the worst thing,

the worst choice i’ve ever made

 

and i chose to love 

you on purpose, ya know?

brought fresh pine and soft rugs

to fashion you a table and chairs

 

but what is an empty table,

if only a centerpiece to display

all the times i dashed my own

heart upon the rocks? 

 

still, i can’t blame the soft

and rain-soaked dirt of your soul

for not being able to nourish

the flowers i so carefully planted

 

so i will take these wooden planks

and fashion myself a little cottage,

maybe with a wrap-around porch and

window boxes,

and wouldn’t that be nice?

 

because these hands of mine, lover

they know not the days old

stubble on your cheek, or tucking

bright yellow dandelions and buttercups

behind your ear

 

but they do know

how to build something from nothing

something from what once was

a ship, a lighthouse, a table

 

a sturdy front porch

that always has the light on

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Comments4

  • L. B. Mek

    'and i chose to love
    you on purpose, ya know?
    brought fresh pine and soft rugs
    to fashion you a table and chairs

    but what is an empty table,
    if only a centerpiece to display
    all the times i dashed my own
    heart upon the rock?'..
    (Brilliant imagery!
    as-ever, such a poignant read
    you've weaved
    thanks for sharing, dear Poet)

    • queer-with-a-pen

      I am quite proud of those two stanzas! This whole poem was very cathartic to write. Much thanks for the read!

    • dean langmuir

      Nice write,take care.

    • Rocky Lagou

      Omg. I literally am in love with the lines:

      "i can’t blame the soft

      and rain-soaked dirt of your soul

      for not being able to nourish

      the flowers i so carefully planted"

      I mean straight up direct and sincere. Seems like a one-sided relationship or something in between. Sometimes one person is doing all the giving, however, there's nothing in return. If you know, and I'm sure you know (us LGBTQ+ people kind of idolize her", amazing and immaculate singer/songwriter Mitski, I'll tell you that this reminds me of her song "The Only Heartbreaker." Thanks for this marvel.

      • queer-with-a-pen

        I fell head over heels for a pirate some years ago, and while I’ve since fallen out of that affection, it’s a feeling I sometimes miss. I’ll never begrudge him for not being able to return that affection, but not being able to find reciprocation still smarts.

        I’ve only listened to a few Mitski songs, and haven’t heard that one yet. I am flattered you’ve found similarities in our works!

      • James Michael

        Love can be a shelter that grows stronger the more it’s tested.

        I really enjoyed the metaphors and imagery you’ve used in this one. I hope one day a lucky person can “nourish the flowers i so carefully planted” for the rest of your life. I’ve been that lucky person to have found my amazing Jeannette.

        • queer-with-a-pen

          Realized recently that while I’m not in love with my pirate captain anymore, it’s a feeling I sometimes miss. As evidenced, he does continue to make a lovely muse. This was a cathartic write.

          I am very glad that you have found a love like that, my friend! Always a pleasure to hear from you



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