ALWAYS

I always knew 

it will be short timed

when I sneak 

into your sister's house

when we talked 

briefly, counting

our words like kids

 with your laptop on your thigh

and I seated at the edge of the sofa

saying a hundred words 

while you replied with just thirty 

 

I always wanted 

more alone time

tho our words and speech

ain't so funny and joyful

but we knew how to bend it in

our heart and soul

places to keep it in 

and later ponder on it 

like a year old child

who just start learning to speak

 

I never knew I'd fall for you

ur pimpled face and bald hair

your nose with a horizontal line

on the neck of it,

 only seen when in your embrace.

that windy evening as I walked home

after an hour of horny satisfaction

I never knew that I will be so fragile

I will be so soft and vulnerable

that I will soon forget the sex we had

and having it awaken by your message

the next Sunday morning

as I play with my mobile phone

while the pastor stand on the alter

walking to and fro

with a white handkerchief

wiping the sweat on

his doughnut like face

 

I always feel 

a stingy pains when I leave your side

when your hand left my broad shoulders

when my thick form sandwich it self

in the gaunt fair body of yours

when you whisper in my ears

" Don't be in a rush"

"we have all night to explore "

how we dance in the spacious living room

of your sister duplex house

how you told me you love

old school music than others

how you tease me of my short status

while you smile and say its normal

 

 

I always thought of us away 

Me in Sokoto or maybe Kaduna

and you in Lagos or maybe Adamawa 

serving your father's land

maybe you will meet your new lover there

maybe he will be a corper like you

or maybe a regular youth

you might met at a party, market, mall

or maybe on a dating app

where we first came in contact

maybe you might meet him

in an unexpected places

in a challenging circumstances

and he might be a savior to you

while I was just in your life

after an evening of good sex 

in a house that was not 

owned by any of us

 

 

I always think that 

a day will come 

when we will be days and weeks away 

from each other

no phone calls or chat

when I will get another body form of comfort

of warmth and embrace

one who tease me of my big nose

or my big black head

 

I always wanted 

to find someone who will share some 

known qualities that made me fall for you

been reserved, quite, shy or timid 

very chossy of words 

and careful to design them even when you are wrong

and make me look like a nagging wife 

who always looks for fault in all that you do

 

 

I always wonder 

who you will end up with

will he be more cute than me

maybe he will be taller

a slim body figure like you

maybe the embrace won't be like ours

maybe he will have full kinky hair

a more brownish eyes

slender legs and flat behind 

maybe he will have skin the color of 

beans cake made with palm oil.

 

And I have always known

our love won't be celebrated

we will stay hidden 

in a closet we both made 

for ourselves 

fully in love, no matching rings

I will still bear my full name 

and you will still have yours

how we won't be able to have kids 

or even try to adopt 

because they say we are different

and our difference is not accepted

never celebrated, neither a 

life worth emulating

 

I will always remember

the days I spend with you 

even in the cuddle of another

how you push ur hand backwards

signaling me to hold on to it

never let it go 

and now am drown in the arms of another

but a sector of my heart still hold 

a little current of love for you 

that will be re energized

when we locked eyes 

when my brains still holds

pictures of times

spend with you

hanging in quite place that was

once lively and joyful

when you were in my arms

 

I always ask myself

will you think of me

the way I did of you 

even in the arms of another?

or will you feel more free and relieved

of leaving me for your new lover

who will never be me

and I will never be him