mom

i hate you

i really do,

from your head to your toes

heart to soul.

but at the same time

i don’t want to

it’s hard

difficult even

to find things to hate

though there are so many

because all i wanted

was motherly love

and i never got it,

i grew up watching and learning

going to you for the wrong advice

i think,

maybe,

you set me up for failure.

is this what you wanted?

an awful, awful mini mom.

where i have failed

day after day

night after night

i disappoint

though i try so hard,

so hard, for you to love me,

to want me,

to need me.

all your characteristics

i find deep within me

and it’s disgusting.

every yell and scream has come onto me,

and i can only hope,

that i’m doing better than you,

that maybe now i’m gone,

you’ll start to care a little more.

but i know now,

from the bottom of my heart,

i will never

ever

feel that false love again.

and sometimes it feels good,

sometimes it hurts,

and sometimes,

i want to love you.