Paranoia

Paul Bell

There’s a woman on the phone who says she’s pregnant, explanation.
Well, in simple terms, the man has to impregnate the woman, this may take several occasions, but you get the gist.
Oh, I get the gist alright, so how many occasions did it take.
Well, it's hardly the thing you talk about when you’re planning a baby.
What, how long has this been going on.
How would I know, might be one night, might be long term, why don't you ask her.
I’m not asking your floozie things like that, you should know.
Typical woman, just because a pregnant woman is on the phone, you naturally assume the worse.
I have reason to assume the worse, the neighbour's bed you assembled.
Don’t remind me of that, Chinese instructions, it was a nightmare.
I was more thinking of how I caught you in bed with her.
You didn’t catch us in the physical sense, we were testing the bed.
And you had to be naked to do that.
She’s Scandinavian, that’s what they do.
You were under the covers.
She was covering her modesty, the embarrassment you caused that day.
Yeah, I’m gutted.
You really  have to do something about this paranoia.
Are you saying I’m nuts?
Well, the facts do speak for themselves.
You’re so right, it’s a strange thing paranoia, sometimes I think young James isn’t yours.
Just as well he’s the spitting image of me then.
Yes, that’s the strange thing, he’s the spitting image of your brother too.
What, what are you saying, have you been bedding my brother.
Not in the physical sense, I think
Well in that case young James is definitely mine then.
Don’t know, the condom your brother used, the instructions were in Chinese.

  • Author: Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: April 30th, 2022 06:15
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 14
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Comments5

  • Neville



    I take it this is not autobiographical 🙂

    • Paul Bell

      Not anymore. lol

    • orchidee

      A joke, I hope, now follows.
      A guy or gal has paranoia.
      Someone says to them 'hello'.
      He/she replies 'What do you mean hello? What you after? I'll punch you on the nose for that hello!'
      Doh! Such people are not worth talking to.

      • Paul Bell

        I've cut that down to nodding at people now, though even that gets remarks from the paranoia's.

      • Rozina

        Excuses aplenty! When you buy an Ikea product, the first thing it says is "Keep calm when assembling, enjoy the process, don't get mad, have short breaks." Not a word about 'testing'. Did the Chinese instructions mention 'testing'?!

        • Paul Bell

          It did in my mind, and the woman did seem okay with it. lol

        • Crowns4Christ

          Hahahahaha, there are always foreign instructions that we can't understand on the most important things

          • Paul Bell

            Definitely, does your head in.

          • Goldfinch60

            Good fun write Paul.

            Andy

            • Paul Bell

              It was fun. lol



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