No one taught me balance.
My mother the most selfless.
My father the most selfish.
My mother the one stays despite the destructive waves hurdling her way.
My father the one who runs the moment he see's a shinny new penny catching his attention despite the wealth already cultivated.
My mother never knowing her worth.
My father only knowing his ego's growth.
All of the turmoil and chaos around me.
Wanting to heal them both never allowing me to be a child.
I emotionally supported my mother where my father couldn't.
I nurtured my father in ways his mothers couldn't.
I protected my mother from my father's rage.
I had to stand on guard looking for the next attack.
I had to learn to walk on egg shells not to set off his rage.
I had to put their emotional needs before my own.
Imagination the only relief found from the chaos.
Disassociation the way I survived.
Moving on to the next chaotic event to the next.
Fearful of the quiet moments so I created more chaos as a teenager just so I didn't have to heal.
Maybe these poems sound like a broken record but I am trying to write it out of my system.
I am trying to understand balance.
I am healing on my own.
No idea what the hell I am doing.
All I know is that my inner child screams to be heard.
All I know is that my inner child needs her expression understood.
All I know is that I hope these poems bring people in my life who are looking for someone to heal with because like me they feel lost.
Better to walk blindly together than alone because we can help each other heal.
We can help each other find ourselves because I have no clue who I am. or what I want.
I just know I want to be authentic and I want to heal.
I just know that I want people to walk next to me on this journey because I am tired of doing it alone.
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Author:
Destiny\'s Perspective (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: May 5th, 2022 02:32
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 22
- Users favorite of this poem: Dahlia, Milind Gautam
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Comments5
I’m sorry destiny .. it’s difficult when we have an inner child who is hurting . I was emotionally neglected as a child .. sorry to hear of your difficult childhood . Our inner child is so important she deserves to feel loved and healed even to love ourselves !))
I am sorry you had a rough upbringing too. You are exactly right! Our inner child deserves so much love and it makes me angry that so many people out there suffered just like we did. What makes it hard for me is that my father will never admit to the pain he caused me. He will never say sorry. In fact the one time we talked about it he told me suck it up kid. My father did the same to me it's what fathers are supposed to do. I'll never get that closure from him just bitter disappointment.
I’m sorry you’ve never got an apology . A difficult childhood can definitely affect you .. some people might not understand how much . Yes inner child is worthy and loveable .. definitely !
Oh the way our parents were effects everything. People think that kids don't understand but they do like little sponges. It's another reason why I am choosing to heal. I want to be the best version not only for myself but hopefully for my child I will one day have. I want to raise them differently. I want to break generational curses with my child. I just can't guarantee how the father will be but I can count on myself to be the best role model I can for that child.
Oh the way our parents were effects everything. People think that kids don't understand but they do like little sponges. It's another reason why I am choosing to heal. I want to be the best version not only for myself but hopefully for my child I will one day have. I want to raise them differently. I want to break generational curses with my child. I just can't guarantee how the father will be but I can count on myself to be the best role model I can for that child.
Yeah it’s important y heal but sometimes we need that support by our side to help us heal . Yeah , I was so critical of myself as a kid .. I think sometimes parents can make mistakes tho .. I think their problems affected things . But yeah it can affect you even into adulthood ..
You are right we all are human especially parents. Which is why I have more respect for people who are honest about their faults and choose to do better especially when it comes to parents. I hope one day my dad changes for the better. But I won't hold my breathe on that one. Two years ago I cut him out for the disrespect verbally he kept expressing towards me and he still felt he was my responsibility. I had to put myself first despite the pain I felt to do it.
It’s so nice when we can find ourselves and know who we are . I find writing helps me sometimes . I could probably do with more inner child healing . I think it’s difficult to feel we can do healing by ourselves .. I know that I feel like I’m not even doing enough . We all need support
It's why we must stick together. I don't think anyone truly knows how to heal. We are all different so the methods are different. I've been thinking of writing a letter to my inner child. Some say it helps to write a encouraging letter acknowledging the wounds from our parents allowing our child self to be heard and understood.
Yes , I’ve heard of that too . Although I’m not sure I’ve ever tried . Might be a good idea tho
so write! break free
of that system
that has You, caged
in childhood's
quicksand struggles, even
at this age..
Write! but my dear
write, with purpose
write
so that child can be put to bed
and you, that adult
can take charge of your life
Your
Life!
free of consequence, and victimhood shackles..
Fight
to make the most
of the precious
and oh-so fleeting, moments
of opportunity, before You!
Fight, to reward Yourslef
the Life: You, deserve!
Write
to
Fight!
Stay strong, dear Poet
thanks for sharing
Thank you for your encouraging words that I needed to read today! Yes I am learning to FIGHT and write with true purpose! Thank you for your powerful wisdom that you always respond to my poems. I am always look forward to it! 😊
Well put L. B. Mek. Although the past greatly influences the present and future if it was sad don't let it control them.
an emotive write my friend
I believe we all go through some trials and tribulations during childhood
but what a blessing it can become when we acknowledge it and breakthrough head on within the fire of our spirit, just as you choose to do, I admire you for it! May that fire of spirit bring you closer and closer to your life purpose, stay true to you and keep writing 💖🙏😉
Thank you friend! You words are so kind and encouraging! I admire the wisdom you will always express. My purpose has definitely become poetry. I love the healing words it creates for myself and hopefully others. The passion, freedom and expansion it creates within me is nothing I have ever felt before. I hope one day it creates abundance in money but if not I will still make it a daily ritual to express my inner thoughts for others to see. I feel whole on this path. I still struggle but like anything worth value it takes time.
I am sorry to learn of your difficult past. To make a possible better future I suggest that you consider reading Oprah's What Happened to you:: https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Understanding-Resilience/dp/1250223180/ref=sr_1_1?crid=29LL3SKBHTZX3&keywords=what+happened+to+me+oprah+winfrey&qid=1651859901&sprefix=what+happened+to+me%2Caps%2C225&sr=8-1.
Thank you! You are too kind I will have to read the book for sure. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate it. 😊
There is not much comfort in remembering a troubled upbringing but there is a lot of comfort in realizing that so many others have had similar if not the same situations.
I am finding that to be true! Well the right kind of people that share the similar experience that are choosing to heal just like me brings me comfort. My entire life sure I have come across others who were like me with childhood pain but those individuals did not want to heal it but chose to use it as an excuse for their poor actions. Right now I just want to be around people who are choosing to heal and do better for themselves and others. Those that take the pain and learn to transmute it thus taking the power back that others had stolen from them.
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