Smith Johnsons Diet

Smith Johnson

Was a very good man

A very good man indeed

He never did slow

Was always on the go

As early as a quarter past three

He'd spend all day

In a hurried rush 

Everywhere he went

And I never did hear

Him shout or swear

He was such a lovely gent

But then one day 

He went running by 

And I called on him

To stop

But he looked at me 

With a funny looking plea

Saying he had to trot

So off he sped

Around the bend

But I followed him

At a run

'My friend' I called

But then became appalled

At what I came upon 

I saw Smith Johnson

Down the lane

With trousers around his legs

'Oh shit!' he cried

As a turd flew by

Nearly missing the top of my head

'Im sorry' he said

 Looking mightily red

 'Its this diet for my heart.

 It's the beans you see.

 They're good for me

 But more than make me fart.'

' And if I stop 

 Well I get the trots

 And have to admit defeat'

 And it's always luck

 If I shit or fart

 A bit like a trick or treat'

 Poor Smith Johnson

 And his bean filled diet

 That led to his guteral plight

 Let's face it folks

 It's really no joke 

 To have fear of uncontrolled shite

 Smith Johnson 

 Was a very good man

 A very good man indeed

 And now I know 

 Why he was on the go

 He was looking for a lavatory