The wilting daisies ask for more,
Upon some barren land.
Without a hope or promise clear
They sift their tears like sand.
Forlorn the man with seeds galore,
Who has no waterhole –
Nor lake, nor rain, in endless trudge,
And soil stuck to sole...
Lament has grown like moss on skin,
He cries an elegy.
While passing petals pale and parched
And puckered breathlessly.
The wilting daisies ask for more,
With fears of coming years.
But be it miracle, or luck,
Man’s sprouted fields with tears.
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Author:
Rocky Lagou (
Offline) - Published: May 10th, 2022 08:32
- Comment from author about the poem: I believe this is the most revised poem I've ever written. This is my first ever ballad and the first ever poem I've written fit to a meter. This ballad uses a fixed common meter, consisting of four lines that alternate between iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter. I must admit, writing in meter is frustrating, but wow does it feel good after you've finished. I was inspired by Emily Dickinson's spectacular use of common meter in almost all her poems, and I hope you enjoy my attempt. This one touches on the "miracles" that can occur even through the hardest of times. As long as we never stop that "endless trudge," we're sure to reach new heights! 🌼🌼🌼
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 38
- Users favorite of this poem: Paul Bell
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Comments11
Good write Rocky.
As I say, my poems are not strictly in metre. I don't look into accents on certain syllables, etc. So I call it 'fomat' instead of 'metre' now.
Omg Orchi I'm so glad you responded. I just wanted to say that I look at your poems so differently now, in a good way. Like after writing this I truly realized the talent poets have that can just "throw" poems out that follow a fixed meter. Like you mention, yours are more of a "format," but nonetheless wow, you truly must put some effort in order to make it all the way through. The toughest part for me is understanding when a syllable is stressed or not, after all, there's no like guide or "Poetry 101" book you can zip to to rescue you. You just have to do your best to make sure each emphasis is properly placed. I do enjoy the challenge though, it really makes you think about how you can weave your way through a poem without stepping out of the meter. Hope you enjoyed this one, it's just a message that speaks to everyone, that even despite the seemingly "desperate" times, there are always miracles ready to happen. Have a great day!
I can sense a poetic flow, where there are stressed and unstressed syllables. It's too involved for me to do really. By 'metre' I used to mean 'number of syllables', but as I said, I call it 'format' now.
I'm no professional poet, nor accustomed to them pentameter thingys! lol.
I did a course, including 'Coaching sports coaches 101'. it built up into a sort of booklet. Not entirely a waste of time, though I'm no coach, let alone coaching the coaches.
I like your writing .. nicely expressed ))
and that you were inspired by Emily Dickenson
I once had someone on another poetry site say one of my poems was a bit like how she writes .. not sure why
Feel sorry for the daisies .. they sound sad ((
I think my poems are more like freestyle .. I don’t follow a certain style nor do I often rhyme , much
Hi Violet! Thanks abundantly for the care and for dropping by. Emily is definitely one of my inspirations, and her ways of effortlessly writing metered poems is stunning. Don't feel sorry for the daisies! They all bloom at the end of the story, "Man's sprouted fields with tears." It's just an analogy for the wonders that can occur when one doesn't give up and continues forward. I also mainly write in "freestyle" as well, aka free verse. It's surely much easier, but I hope you liked my attempt at something a little different. Have a lovely day!
Dear Rocky, its such a tough challenge to stick to meter , and still express ourselves perfectly.
you really did give your best shot. Wonderfully intertwined with sublime thoughts of yours. Great one !!
Hi Vamsi! Thanks so much dear poet, I adore it when you stop by and leave such keen input. Truly, writing in meter isn't the easiest thing in the world, and it brings about many challenges, but I did enjoy having to work around the syllable count and word stress; it's almost like a game. Nonetheless, thanks so much for your appreciation, have a marvelous day!
well I for one think you deserve a darn good pat on the back .. achieving this kind of standard is no mean feat under any circumstances but when faced with so many poetic/model constraints .. even a pat on the back seems insufficient recognition .......... and no kiddin, I would never dare try it ....... Neville
Hehe! Oh, Neville! Thanks a bunch poet pal, it surely took me quite a bit of time to try to nudge and poke each line to the meter, but wow is it a relief when you're finished. The way popular poets like Emily Dickinson make it seem so effortless is what astonishes me. Anyways, hope you got the gist of it. Have a great day!
Always think poems are just small stories, and in reality they are. The reader wants inside the story to take them on a journey, and if they like the journey, the format is pretty irrelevant.
Honestly though. Poems truly are narratives that carry their own meaning and essence, whenever people get to the nitty-gritty of "proper" meter or "proper" rhyme I just find it so overwhelming. As long as your poem expresses what you want to express in the moment, I feel that in itself is already enough. Hope I connected with you on this ballad, have a great day dear poet!
This is excellent, just fantastic!!! "He cries an elegy"--very descriptive! Oh mans sprouted fields with tears, very nice and a beautiful metaphor as well. I just love the heart you put in to this!!!
Hi Christina! Thanks so much for the enthusiastic reply! I'm truly moved to see that I was able to connect with you so deeply. This poem centers on the journey of life, that even despite the absence of "hope" or "luck," we can all find our own "miracle" if we only continue the "endless trudge." It's a message to push forward, despite the gloominess of life. So so glad you felt my message, have a lovely day!
Rocky, you say you worked hard at this but it seems so effortless. An amazing poem my poetic friend.
Hi Saxon. Thanks a bunch dear poet, it's really heartwarming to see you connected with my poem. Trust me, it wasn't as easy as it seems. I believe I went through about 10 or so revisions to get it right. It's tough but the end product is so worth it. Maybe you should try a ballad if you want, it'll give you a headache but maybe you'll create the next "La Belle Dame sans Merci."
I attempted a few a while back. If you're interested check out 'The Lament of Jenny Mack and Finn (I forgot his last name lol). It's a feeble attempt. But an attempt nevertheless
This is so good Rocky. I don't know about meters. But as I read each line of what I write and it sounds as though it fits (or doesn't fit), I'll add or take away a word so it sounds 'right'. MPS poets have taught me 5/7/5, limericks, sonnet, free flow etc and Doctor Google gives examples to learn from too. This is a great poem to read again and again. (Sorry - "and soil stuck to sole" might need a 1 syllable word added "and soil stuck to his sole")?
Hiya! Thanks so much for stopping by and giving my ballad a read, it means a lot. This poem is about the miracles that can occur through persistent resilience. On the topic of meter, this one follows the common meter, so each line would have to alternate between 8 and 6 syllables. I was thinking about including the "his" in that line, you know to follow the flow of syntax, but if I did it would actually break the syllable count, so I had to omit it. Nonetheless, thanks for carefully digging into this poem, it took me a while to perfect. Have a lovely day!
I had my Shakespeare class write a poem in iambic pentameter and they all learned very quickly how hard it can be!
You did really well. You have great skill in varying your poems and keeping the beauty in the words!
Hiya! Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. Also noting the "varying of poems" is also really nice, I do my best to try to diversify my repertoire to not have it seem so dull and tedious. This is actually my first ever ballad and first ever metered poem, so your appreciation really means a lot. Are you like a professor? (If so do you have any tips or tricks to knowing when a syllable should be stressed or not.) That's the part that I find most difficult. Anyways, thanks again and have a great day
Not a professor by any means!!!--I homeschooled my kids and also teach at a homeschool co-op with other kids. We studied Shakespeare one year with the high school kids. A really good book (you probably have it) that I like to refer to re:stressing is Mary Oliver's book on poetry. If you don't have it, I would try and get it from the library. I personally read the poem aloud and try to get a sense of the 'heavier' syllable.
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