A Stainless Steel Knife and The Importance of The Cerebellum Stanza II & III

STANZA II

 

“الظلام”

 

A summary of character

I struggle to find

Without it

I can never be free from this internal bind

Acknowledgements of how others have failed

And the balancing act to not drown in self pity

The holes i see in the mirror that arent on my shirt

But deep in my heart

A look into the reflection of my eyes

I see that i am in a dark hopeless place

Where no true untainted love can start

Now with this i am stuck

Between an unfulfilling life where i feel destined to fail

And death a place were if i went it would mean the lesser part of me prevailed

I wish i could remove this veil

And bare my soul to others

In the hope that they will embrace and cherish it

As i do to others

Im no saint

I have so many flaws

But as i step forward

And attempt to achieve the freeing practice of balance

The tips are scaled

And i am once again carrying the weight of them all

I no longer trust as willing as i did once because :

la naïveté dans mon cœur

Est la cause de tant de douleur

Actions done in jest that introduced to me a never ending sensation of stress

Betrayals and failures of fidelity tests

Have left me a mess

A hypocritical promoter of reciprocity

An open ear but with a mouth that refuses to speak

 

STANZA III

 

נעלם”

 

So i write or more accurately

I type

I type these emotions

These burdens

The ones that keep the flames of my self destructive self doubt and insecurities constantly burning

In a way I always feel like I’ve deserved it and all my mistakes add up to me earning it

This stygian emotional state

Analogous to the river styx

Wherein my defeated soul wades in my past mistakes

I no longer know how long or how much more i can take

I’m scared because i sense it in the distance

The darkest space

The place where my soul will break

A place of comfort

Seems to be my Atlantis

A fruitless expedition

Partly due to the inadvertent arsonists I’ve befriended in the past and present

I’ve gazed across the bridge

And watched them carelessly play with matches

While i throw mine away

every time the lesser part of me puts them in my hand

The bridge is burning

But the flames claim only my side

I never choose to stay stranded on the land

My misguided empathy lands me in a far too forgiving situation

Swimming through the water under the bridge

Still seeking to provide aid to the arsonist