Home

I wish I could say I'm better for good.

It's always, I'm better, and then downward 

slope.

For every once in a while, my arms tingle

as the voice whispers, "just once, please?"

 

And I scream and scream and cry and panic.

for what do I do?

How do I stop an invisible force?

How do you stop yourself?

 

I'll hear my younger self whisper 

"I want to go home",

and I know she does not mean a place.

 

We always meant we wanted to go where

It felt like home, a person. A feeling.

 

But one by one, home leaves.

Home doesn't stay.

 

Home ignores you and stops showing up for things.

 

Home stops calling. Home stops texting.

You hear from home once a month.

Maybe less.

 

And we search and search till there's

 a new home and we smother it.

 

For we do not know patience.

We were never taught.

 

And as I sit crying on the floor,

she weeps, "I want to go home!"

 

And through blinded eyes and with shaky

voice I whisper to her, soon.

 

We will go home soon.

I promise.

 

I just keep breaking my promise to her.