Chaos and Control

robin1388

Sometimes I think chaos and control are the same thing.

 

I am only in control when I am not.

 

From the outside I seem to chaotically shove needles through my ears but it is only because I can finally pinpoint what is hurting me.

I can control the pain

 

From the outside I seem to mindlessly pour alcohol in my cup into the late night but it is only because I can finally feel something. 

I can control my state.



From the outside I seem to madly obsess over every grade that I get but it is only because I can finally say I have achieved something.

I can control my success



From the outside I seem to carelessly throw my body around from one person to the next but it is only so I can finally say that I am free. 

I can control my independence

 

I don’t think I have ever truly been in control but I honestly don’t mind it because at least the chaos allows me to convince myself that I am

  • Author: robin1388 (Offline Offline)
  • Published: May 31st, 2022 10:16
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 13
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