Illusions

Forever running from the life she could have
Forever hating every laugh she's laughed
quietly waiting for someone to stop and say
"you deserve a break" or "never feel shame for
the person you were"
There was a time when she was unbroken
and still, there are words, that remain unspoken
So she wonders, how long is forever?
it feels less than 5 years but maybe
my emotions are clouded and my tears
are just illusions or I've just been disillusioned

As the world collapses around me
Nobody could
possibly heal
possibly feel
a deeper understanding of my own pain
as the rain falls atop my wilted body
creating lakes in the craters that were once delicate curves
my umbrella has broken, as have I
but my mind is made up
that I will ultimately continue
to never protest
to add another stitch to my sewn up lips
and weep for tomorrow
to bring me the sun
the great illusion of hope
fails me once again