A Stainless Steel Knife and The Importance of The Cerebellum : Stanza 4 & 5

STANZA IV

“주저”

Lost and confused i know not what to do

My heart yearns for a soul that may be unfamiliar when we get the chance to connect again

An instability that they bring somehow attracts and motivates me because i see a wonderful character that just needs to be healed

But at some point this potentially emotionally fatal attraction must be sealed

Maybe i should pick up the match

And let my disdain from being hurt and disappointed so many times become its own part of my personality and apathetically watch it hatch

But i refuse

It has no use

My reign of terror

Would bring no happy republic

My catharsis would destroy my relations with the public

At times i wish i could and think nothing of it

Is that the way to be free ?

To not be aware that your words can cut one deep

And that your actions could make others cry themselves to sleep ?

Is that freedom ?

Is that the world where if i searched for burdens

I would be able to say “i see none “

But im strapped into to this hyperaware state of seeing when even the smallest damage is done

STANZA V

On my odyssey to find a relief valve

A last ditch effort to cut this mountain of pain into manageable halves

How do i perceive words from others ?

Do i choose to only see lies

I’m still vulnerable

I was reminded of that cruel fact

I was taken aback

By the reality that i could still feel like that

So much pressure built up

I swore i would crack

Lies and emotional uncertainties

A recurring theme

In this complicated and mirthless life of me

The person i view in the mirror mercilessly attacks

Constantly criticizing

While ignoring the context of the weight on our backs

Even in my sleep I can’t escape

My subconscious serves up my fears

So eloquently

Worthy of 3 stars

Michelin

7 course meals of my insecurities

Feeding myself emotional carcinogens

Its like i can never settle in

A nomad wandering in search of a place of peace

Maybe my fate is sealed

And ive already banned the future me from that settlement

If i could unlove i would

But the light of happiness would still be blocked

By the clouds of gloom

Shapers of my world

my unresolved issues