was it?


Pulling from the inside

Pulling from the outside

Crushing all around

Am I dirty?

Am I soiled?

Am I ruined?

Was it me?

Did I do it to myself?





It was me

I asked for it

I wore the shirt

I drank the drinks.

I think I said yes

I'm not sure

But its not his fault

I hate him

How dare he

Move on 

From me

Does he not know what I did

What we did

What he did.

To me.

Does he not care?

Does he not know?

What am I to him?

What bearing do I have on his life?

I'm a number

Just like the rest.

But less important


Unlike the others

I was the shame

I am the shame

I am shame

I am disgusting

I am ruined

Who would want me

I don’t want me

Why would anyone else?

What do I do?


What did I do?


Say no?




Ask for more?


I don’t know.

This is on me

He isn’t affected

Am I overreacting?

Am I?

Am I?

Am I?


If it was an issue

If it was wrong

If it was unwanted

Unasked for

I would have done something

I would have.

I might have.

I didn’t.

How dare I

Ruin myself

My future


What happened?

I don’t know.

Was it me?


I wanted it

I asked for it

I live with it

It was me

It was me

It was my fault.

It was not 

That dirty

Foul word

He didn’t do it to me

It was consensual.

Was it?




I think?

I don’t know.

I don’t remember;

  • Author: notreally (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 3rd, 2022 08:13
  • Comment from author about the poem: i wrote this while struggling with myself, i'll never be fully complete again but i hope nobody relates and if they do i hope they are not alone and if they are send me a message because this is not how i want my story to be written, my story will change. we will write our own, together if necessary
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 23


  • morange

    Ugh. This was hard to read, but very, very good. Its unfortunate how relatable this is to me and I assume many many others. If this is written from a personal experience, I'm sorry that you had to go through it; but know that you are not alone

  • Bragee

    Tough to read knowing that this is reality for many people. I pray peace and safety over all who have similar stories.

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