ITS MY FAULT

If I have trauma 
It’s probably due to me
I made choices 
Looking after only me
I wanted fun
I wanted love 
I wanted freedom 
And all kinds of other things
The only thing I didn’t want 
Was to take responsibility 
If I could blame you 
I wouldn’t have to worry 
If I was the victim
Someone would surely protect me
If I let you know
All the things they did to me
Then you would soon forget my fault 
And replace it quick with sympathy

“It’s my mom
It’s my dad
It’s the way that they were raising me 
It’s the culture
It’s the laws 
It’s the way they educated me
It was tv 
And the internet
And all the bullies that I ever met

Could be my diagnosis
Or just media hypnosis
The lack of healthy foods
And all the gmo
Maybe those who won’t wear masks 
When they leave their home

How about now 
Do you see how it’s your fault
I’m not a better me

My lack of motivation 
and everything I do
Is an involuntary reaction 
To every thing you do…”

Except it’s not 
I’m a human
I make choices every day
Some of them are not brilliant
The consequences I must take
But I don’t have to live
Buried under trauma 
Obsessed with never taking blame 
And slowly working through the shame

And I will take responsibility 
For every choice I make
I’ll live my life 
And learn to be happy 
Not be smothered under all the weight
Of being a hopeless victim 

So I’ll say it again
And I’m telling you I mean it
If I have trauma 
It’s all my fault 
Believe it 

Because I’ve chosen not to set it down
Ive never walked away 
I’ve never chosen to leave it
I have never let it let me go
So I could be free from it

Be careful what you pick and choose
To be the thing that identifies you
Because your trauma will gladly stay
It’s more loyal than me or you…
Unfortunately…