A Sad Womans Story of Child Abuse

My eyes are blurred with tears as I cry

My broken heart silently asking why

In the depths of depression, I dwell every day

No one should have to live this way

Some people go through life without a care

While others live theirs in total despair

It could be your neighbor, a relative, or a close friend

Most are little ones whose hearts never mend  

Abuse is an ugly vein when it runs in family trees

Behind the closed doors where nobody sees

Remembering back through all of my life

Of what I’ve endured through my years in the fight

An old woman now and I still remember it all

Every detail, every pain, it still makes me bawl

Let’s just say the scars never heal

This is my story and I assure you it’s real

I was her rag doll who she’d scratch and dig

My skin under her nails, the marks were so big

She didn’t like laughter and giggles, no room for fun

She stopped it with ‘whatever had to be done’

Pinching, and scratching, and pulling my hair

Hitting with hairbrushes, welts everywhere

Washing my mouth out with soap if I sassed

Yelling at me when she heard me laugh

Yardsticks were her favorite thing though

Because those would strike the worst blow

My bed piled high with dirty wet dishes

I would’ve washed them all for some hugs and kisses

Large red welts left behind on my 10th birthday

I still remember that like it was yesterday

Years of belittlement, shame, and despair

Has left bitter scars that will always be there

She turned a blind eye when stepdad walked in

And sexual abuse was introduced in our house of sin

This was the thing that pushed me further into my shell

And fueled the flames of my own silent hell

She eventually became helpless, sick and fat

She ended up immobile, how about that?

What I didn’t realize though, unfortunately

Is that here’s where it got even worse for me

Each night I slept on the floor next to her bed

My wrist tied to hers with a super long thread

She yanked on that string over and over again

So, I’d wake up and scratch all of her itchy dead skin

One night in desperation she pulled and she begged

I woke up to find a spider crawling right up her leg

She was a large woman and lived in her bed

And needed to be turned like a flame roasted pig

Then in the morning I’d help her to stand

And a sponge bath I gave her with my own little hands

All these are things, I’m sure you’d agree

A child shouldn’t do and should never have to see

I hated my mother, my life, and the feeling inside

Depressed, helpless, and so terribly petrified

I felt shame, useless, powerless, and scared

I really wish she would have just cared

She made me hold a coffee can while she peed into it

Same with the back end, I tried not to vomit

I was in my own little world of depression and shame

I was a filthy nothing with only myself to blame

Trays of pies of all flavors from the hostess family

Sandwiches and snacks are what she fed me

Peanut butter & jelly, egg salad, tuna, and deviled ham

Replaced the balanced meals I should have grown up on

She took me out of middle school to be her fulltime slave

I was totally alone and was forced to behave

All this and more took place until I was eighteen

When finally, the authorities stepped in to save me

You may ask, “why is abuse almost all you write of”?

Maybe my words will spark someone to love

Instead of being angry, abusive and mean

Just maybe you’ll read this remember what you’ve seen

I’m not one of the lucky ones who lived life without a care

And I still have so many horrible memories to bare

I wanted to share my story with you

To shine a light on child abuse

Please people, think before you commit this crime

You’ll scar them for years, and maybe for all of time

Remember that your children are the future generation

And if child abuse continues, we’ll be left in total desolation