getting back to your roots

A phrase made popular by going back to your hometown after traveling

or going back to old customs 

But for some this phrase means something different

My roots are embedded in my old life

A past that i prefer to forget 

But getting back to my roots 

Is so much harder than that 

My roots are deep in the heart of sadness itself

I remember being so distant from everything 

From everyone 

My body was present 

But my mind was in another galaxy

Spoken words just smashed together 

Slowed down to the point that they sounded like thunder 

And a lightning strike would be the only thing that caught my attention 

But as always

Thunder returns and drowns everything out 

 

Id rather not dig up my roots 

Because like a tree 

I rely on my roots to keep me alive and strong

If you were to uproot me 

You would be sadly disappointed

You would find the usual things like dirt

And parasites 

But if you look closely 

If you count the endless array of small hairlike roots

Youll find the story of my life 

Youll see all my memories 

Everything that has built up 

All the mean and hurtful things that people have said 

And even the things i've said myself

The deeper you dig 

The more dirt you throw aside 

Unveils the twists and turns in my lifetime

 

There came a point in my life 

When i didnt care 

About anything really 

I saw the world as unfair 

Nothing seemed exciting anymore 

I would lug myself around 

Barely being able to concentrate on anything

I felt empty 

My life was at a stand still

But my mind was always racing

Day and night were no different from each other 

Except for the darkness 

 

I felt as if i was full of darkness 

I had no color 

Every cut

Scrape 

Bump and bruise 

Only made the darkness more powerful

Every day i felt the darkness welling up inside of me 

Every second it was consuming me 

And i did nothing to stop it 

 

When we were young 

We were taught by our teachers 

Our parents 

And those guys we all thought were tree huggers 

That carving your initials into a tree was wrong 

Usually a waste of time because nothing lasts forever

But they were right 

Carving a heart into a tree is ironic 

You had good intentions 

But it just hurts everyone in the end 

 

Sometimes i miss those times 

Being sad was all i knew 

It was what kept me sane 

But it was dangerous 

A constant battle of trying to stay sane 

Or let the insanity take me away 

Allow myself to feel 

Or burrow deeper into darkness

 

There came a time 

When i was sick 

That i chose to change 

So when the time came 

And i was ready 

I rose as high as i could 

And waited 

 

I waited for the right lightning strike 

The strike that was powerful enough to ignite my soul

And sure enough 

When that perfect flash lit the sky 

And the final wave of thunder rolled through

I was set aflame 

 

I burned for a long time 

But it took time to destroy what my life was 

All the sadness 

All the regret 

All the agony i felt on a daily basis 

But when all was said and done 

And i was nothing but ash and smolder 

I began my new life 

 

From ashes to new is an understatement 

I started as a sprout 

and i wasn't alone 

I grew myself from the ground up 

And i am still growing 

 

Youll never see me go back to those times though

Never again will i let the color be drained 

Or my spirit be stripped 

Being uprooted maybe detrimental to some 

But for others 

It’s a new beginning 

 

So I’m getting back to my roots 

But I’m sure as hell not going back 

To the way it was