the action of inaction

that’s what i thought i had to be 
a pool of lethargy barely breathing 
a warning so far gone missed 
there were mornings i forgot i exist 
trying to dissolve in a pile of laundry 
losing sight of my self 
my reflection haunted and ugly 
that’s what i thought i had to be 
a pile of me worthlessly waiting 
i’d count ticks on the clock 
and play songs about rage
losing weight, fixed in place
my hair grew out strands long as snakes
and my medusa mane made me unrecognizable
but i didn’t care for a thing 
thats what i thought i had to be 
so when i watch, through my pictures and poems
the time i spent not knowing 
and wondering why i was able to wait so long 
for nothing, 
not knowing the whole time in my mind i knew 
that that’s what i thought i had to be 
that’s all i had to do