Alive

As She sits cleaning her room

She doesn’t know what She feels

Is it joy? Gloom?

She sits on her bed and And she looks down at her leg

Scars

What are they from?

54 scars

23 of them on her arms

54 scars from the 54 times She’s hurt her own heart

Lexapro

Zoloft

Prozac

She prays to see the day she gets her mind back

The mind that was once hers to control

The one She didn’t need to fight

The one that didn’t make her weep at night

Is she gonna be like this forever?

If you asked her when she was five how many times She’d cry herself to sleep at night, She’d say “never”

That little girl who once wanted to be a doctor, a singer, a mother

Just wants to make it through the night

Alive

Not just breathing

She wants to feel alive

She doesn’t want to binge and purge

but every day she fights the urge

Her entire body trembles every time a man looks her way

“Is this okay?”

She thinks “What do I say?”

“How do I look?”

If her life were a book, she wouldn’t be the hero

Every day she antagonizes herself

She lifts everyone else up

But who’s going to hold her at night?

She’s tried to tell herself lies

“I’m  beautiful. I’m worthy”

She believes them to be untrue

She’s beautifully broken

She’s never open

Everyone knows her

but do they actually know

As her breath slows

she sees a light, a glow

At that moment

She knows

It’s time to go