There’s no easy way to announce that
I am
who
I am.
From trivial things, to the cores of my soul.
I will never be accepted,
and the strings that form me bring tears to my parents eyes.
A simple stride for honesty
takes my mother mute.
My father tells me I'll regret my future.
And my brother enters my room
questioning why I would ever intentionally ruin my parents afternoon.
I just want to be honest, and not hide.
But either way, I cannot win.
It happens time and time again
And i’m trapped.
I cannot leave,
I cannot stay.
It’s this damned moon tide,
pulling me forward
and thrusting me back.
Am I safe, or am I gone?
I pleaded myself that I would
never
use substances as an escape.
But I’m here I am with tears filling my collar,
begging to get high,
downing each drop,
wishing the edibles would kick in.
Could I hide in these childhood sheets forever
I would.
Instead I leave empty hearted.
Believing my crutch would last forever.
Breaking my heart
over and over again.
never understanding that dreams
can only be that.
I love myself,
but I hate myself too.
How can I love myself when
Even my family doesn't?
I'm feeling so defeated.
Like I can never tell my parents a thing.
Like I'll have to live in the shadows forever.
I can’t go to church,
get a proper job,
or surrender my autonomy.
I just want to be happy.
But I cant cut my cake
and eat it too.
Make my parents happy,
Or die lost, despairing, and stubborn.
-
Author:
raininginsun (
Offline) - Published: August 8th, 2022 02:08
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 19
Offline)
Comments2
impassioned write,
but forgive me, it feels a little
like you're trying to solve
all your problems, at once
may i suggest, taking smaller steps
like
finding distance, from those
you feel, oppose
your choices in life
maybe not permanently, just
for a few hours a day
find a place, you feel may support you better
and let that be your starting line
to those changes in your life
you feel, you need to enact
small, imperceptible changes
that only you can recognise
let them accumulate, steadily
and empower you from within..
(only
if you actually, want
things to change
that is)
thanks for sharing!
At some point in life, you are solely responsible for yourself. So you now need to take that responsibility. If it hurts others, tough. If you're struggling with substance abuse, get yourself onto the 12-step plan, you'll be amazed the difference it's made to others.
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.