solitary

despite eagerly planning to move for 2 months

you were in such a hurry you even left your toothbrush

you left behind years worth of memories on Polaroid photos and cardboard printed headshots of us

you left behind a watch that I remember being your first when we moved into our 3rd apartment together

you left behind photos of your father and holiday cards from your brother

even a hand written Christmas letter from your nephews

you couldn’t even wait to say goodbye…

I didn’t get a goodbye

was it too unbearable? was it too pathetic?

was it too humiliating for me?

you wanted to possibly preserve whatever dignity I had left

because you’ve been checked out of our love for so long and I’m still processing that you even wanted to go

but that probably wasn’t even a thought to you

I give you more credit than I think you deserve

I have this vision of you

being somewhat childlike and innocent

just keeping it all in and being so confused and upset that you don’t even know

you left in such a hurry you even forgot your toothbrush