Two Wrongs

I said, “I love you”

But did I really?

Did I really love you?

I love the days when the skies were blue, and the dishes after takeout

The endless nights and the crisp morning air 

The silent laughter 

The shopping trips

The “love”?

No.

That’s not what it was 

It was need

Want

Dependence 

Coping 

Attention

Do you know what I did love?

I loved the bad

The comfort of the bad

I loved the unnecessary comments

That would turn into arguments

That lasted for days 

I loved the days when we wouldn't look at each other, because honestly,

Neither of us could face what we said during those arguments 

I loved the anger

The shame 

The relentlessness

The shock

The Hurricane 

When we were in the eye I didn’t feel happy as I should have

I felt… dissatisfied is the word I think 

I did not love you 

I don’t think I ever did

You were a coping mechanism 

I used you

I’ll admit that 

But I’m not sorry because in the end 

You used me too