The Test

I enter the classroom, and sit at the desk,

My fingers start twitching as im about to take a test,

The papers handed out,and the timer begins,

I see everyone around me as they start to begin,

When all of a sudden my heart starts to beat faster 

As I look around the classroom to see so many answers,

This is when I start to feel anxious,

My stomach starts turning and tears start rolling ,

Rolling down my cheak,

And this is when my legs become violently week,

I want to raise my hand,

I want to be excused,

But what should I do if they 

                    refuse,

So I just stand up out of my seat,

I dont care what they say,

I dont care what they think,

The only thing that matters is what does everyone else think?,

I slam the door shut as I exit the room,

And I start to feel like im in the deepest of dooms,

I walk around the school not sure where to go,

When I hear the teachers being radioed.

My breathing gets heavy then i collapse to the floor,

Crying my eyes out 

As I hear the Oncall,

I dont want to ne scared,

I dont want to be anxious,

I just cant help but feel helpless,

I stand up from the floor,

Wiping the tears away 

And head down the corridor,

Down the stairs,

Ad the the doors,

I enter what is called the calming room

on the first floor,

Yet it doesnt sound very calm in my head,

Children laughing, playing games,

Other students and teachers typing away,

I just sit there 

Crying away 

Waiting for it to stop.

So I gain my energy and look around,

 to see what i can see

as i ask myself

5 things you can see

4 things you can hear 

3 things you can touch

2 things you can smell

1 thing you can taste 

If im lucky it works,

But if it doesn’t,

Im not so lucky 

Back to square one as I try to breathe,

This little demon is not whats helping me,

And not a surprise 

Its name is….

Anxiety,

I try to focus on the little things,

Its the little things that count,

But as I sit there 

My heads spinning round and around,

Until it stops.

Finally I say as I start to go back to my lesson,

When I realise its nearly the end of the lesson,

I realise ive been down there 

having a panic attack for more than 30 minutes,

It’s just anxiety they say,

Ive got to get on with it,

But im just a child who needs to know 

where the support is,

I get threatened with exits,exclusions and detentions,

But if i was ‘normal’

Maybe this wouldnt happen 

,

I go to my teacher and tell her all of this,

then I get advice and try my best to stick with it,

I get through the day with major ups and downs 

Yet when it hits home time,

A feeling of relief hits me,

I get to go home, and be in my safe space,

Catch up on my school work and recover from the day,

I look at my time table and see History and English,

Both in one day!

I just hope tomorrow will be a good day,

I have my fav subjects awaiting for me 

But I cant help but feel so worried,

I think to myself “whats the worst that can happen”

I go to sleep awaiting for tomorrow to hit,

Yet i tell myself , It will be alright,

And eventually with a sigh of relief 

I finally start to breathe,

For this is anxiety,

Well anxiety for me,

Its not just a word,

but a little demon who haunts me,

I know sometimes I dont make sense,

And I can even be a bit of a nuisance

But please just be patient with me,

For when we first meet im not who youd think id be,

And Anxiety is just a little piece of me.