Who was I ?

I wish that I had no identity, 
Knowing only full well  who I have been,
Far sooner to have been some entity,
And just exist, in another's night dreams,

Having to live in the shadow of life,
Grown up fast, courted and very soon wed,
To my long departed good lady wife,
Little knowing far too soon she'd be dead.

But unable to find her like out there,
Just chasing so many women for years,
Was it false hope, maybe, why would I care,
Mostly ending some time later in tears.

KnowingI was missing someone to make
Me feel as happy as when I started
Wed a second time, what a big mistake,
She wasn't over her dearly departed

Once again then I was left on my own,
Seeking another to love and to care,
End up with one, real love's never known.
It took years to get her out of my hair.

Maybe I'm basicly lost and alone,
wishing all these lost years I have wasted,
Would let me return to those and atone,
I was happy enough, quite elated.

I wish I had some identity tune,
Too many long years I just existed,
Resenting that I was widowed so soon,
The urge to pass on I have resisted.

If my life had been laid out before me,
Show my future, all my troubles and strife,
I would cling on to my identity,
Not a lonely old man in real life !