being alone with myself

being alone with myself

who

what

where

when

why

is all that i think of

when it’s silent

when it’s empty

when every thing just stops

when everything comes to an end.

the end

a prolonged journey

the light at the end of the tunnel

or so i thought

or what we all think.

I do still try to believe that but each day reality hits me even more

i am no longer that young, free or careless child that i once was 

how i ought to be like that once again

that i beg to be

to have this weight and pressure relived off of my shoulders 

to just be normal.

to not have these vicious shards of built up hurt

pain

heartbreak

suffer

anger

trauma

to feel at peace with myself and the world and everyone in it.

i want to cry

i want to release the floodgates of tear that are inching to get out of my eyes

but im afraid

afraid of what may happen when i allow this pain to overtake my face

my soul

i want to let these tears our of my body and allow them to destruct and deform my gentle and baby like skin that has already been ruined by the years, months and weeks of loneliness.

alone. silent. peace. overwhelming. triggering. alone.