Birdie dipped its beak
Into warm water - blind to
My breadcrumbs. Glanced. Fled.
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Author:
Rocky Lagou (
Offline) - Published: October 19th, 2022 09:56
- Comment from author about the poem: This might be my favorite haiku yet. Being a recluse myself, I think this comes from a personal place. It's lighthearted nonetheless. 🍞🍞🍞
- Category: Nature
- Views: 50
- User favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek.
Offline)
Comments7
A reclusive excursion and projection, the bird being an image reflecting what occurs within regardless of the exterior. Awesome!
Oh you're truly so kind dear poet, thanks a bunch. You're always the first one to reply, and that really means a lot. This bird, however rude, serves as a contrast to the types of introversion that exists. While on one hand, the recluse throwing the breadcrumbs at least tries to "make a friend," the other "loner" (the bird,) spurns and doesn't even give it a second thought. I'm glad you liked my haiku!
The use of punctuation should make it feel slow but instead the bird’s movement seem dynamic. Very impressive!
Hey Harlene! It's nice to see a new person drop by and leave such a kind remark, I love to connect on a personal level with other poets and writers. Thanks for noting the punctuation. One of my peculiarities when it comes to poetry is the heavy use of caesuras, especially hyphens; it's mainly because Emily Dickinson is well-known for employing dashes on nearly all her pieces, she's one of my muses. I hope you felt the light-footed nature of the poem
I always have been intrigued by haikus and only wish I knew how to wright one in Japanese. This one intrigues me as well since I have viewed this image in reality many times it evokes many images and feelings. At times attempts to aid are not noticed and fear takes precedence. Loved it.
Hello beloved Sorren. I'm so glad that you were able to connect with this little haiku. I, too, would love to write one in Japanese; after all, that's where they originated. And I feel that the impact such a short verse can have on a reader is incredible. May you have a wonderful day!
You have phrased this so aptly, the feeling of being close to a living creature, and yet not noticed. It works on so many levels no matter who we are sharing the space with. A very thought provoking write my dear Rocky!
Oh thanks abundantly Bella! You're words truly mean the world to me. I'm so glad that you were able to see beyond the bird as just as an "animal," but also as a representation of loneliness. That's why the poem states "Two Loners," regardless of one of them not being human. It works to bring out the two types of recluses that exist: the optimistic one (hoping to make a friend), and the reticent one who doesn't even try. I cherish your kindheartedness.
the fact you have already received a massive 9 yes nine likes to date is clearly an indication of just how good this little gem actually is .. well done Rocky ....... Neville
Hiya Neville. I just try to produce what I feel fitting in the moment, so to see people can connect truly brings a smile to my face. I'm so glad you could appreciate my attempts at haikumaking (it really isn't as easy as it looks!!) Have a great day!
Thankyou for this. My daughter loves this version of expression!
Of course dear poet. I'm so glad this little poem of mine was able to rekindle that image you have of your daughter. I want my poetry to resonate, so this message goes a long way. Have a lovely day!
You as well!
yeah, this resonates with me
some warm water, lacks warmth
it's simply tepid to the touch...
thank you! dear poet
Hi beloved poet! I find it really interesting that you noted the water in this scenario because I actually wanted the water to be representative of something much larger. At first, I wanted it to be "lukewarm" instead of just "warm" water, because that would imply that the bird is dabbling in "indifference." But unfortunately it broke the syllable count so I had to settle with just "warm." However, the end result now suggests that the water is affable, which I feel could maybe serve as a juxtaposition to the whole narrative playing out here. Anyhow, it's really nice of you to drop by. Have a good one!
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