Mirrored Demons

When I look in the mirror each night,

I don’t see a person,

Now I get how that sounds

And I know it sounds dumb

But,

I don’t see a girl,

I see a blob,

 

Skin and bones with no structure,

And each time I look it is different from another,

When someone tells me I am skinny

I am forced to smile and agree

Because I cannot face the fact

That others see me as skinny and pretty

And I see myself as nothing more than a blob

 

These are my demons

They aren't all bad though

I find a way to find comfort in their loneliness 

Although I argue with them

Every single every night

And I have to

avoid all mirrors

For the fear someone else will see me

the way that I do

 

They aren't all bad,

They are always there to tell me what I'm doing wrong,

Your eating too much,

You not eating enough,

Why are you trying so hard,

your hideous,

 

When I describe a blob,

I don’t mean jelly on a plate

I mean skin on the bones

Not able to form what would be called normal

 

But normal is such a lose term

Maybe this is the normal

Not able to form a self portrait

in my own eyes

Not able to see what other see

Because my eyes deceive me

Maybe this is the normal

And in that case I don’t want to be normal.

I want to know what I look like

I want to be able to say I look nice

I want to be happy.

I want to be me.