The Luxury of the Ladies' Room

The women’s restroom, the polar opposite of the men’s

The sweet aroma of vanilla and roses fills the air

Within each stall sits a soft, cushioned throne of velvet

A throne embellished with gold and silver and diamond

And not a single pipe goes through the marble walls

Because everyone knows women don’t poop

Instead, in each stall, there is a maid that bakes

Confections filled with sugar, spice, and everything nice

And there isn’t a mirror to be seen

Because women have full faces of makeup from birth

And fruit punch fountains replace the sinks

Because no woman in history has ever had dirty hands

And cotton candy machines decorate the walls instead of paper towel dispensers

Because what better to compliment the fruit punch?

And chocolate fondue in lieu of soap, of course

Because sweets are an absolute necessity

No woman will tell you any of this though

The women’s restroom is the polar opposite of the men’s