Not What's Best

Empty broken bleeding bruised

So used to bein used

How am I so smart yet so nieve

Frozen in place when I need to run and leave

Sometimes I wish I even knew how to lie

Why cant I seem to let it out and cry

I mean I guess I really know the reason why

I know once I start it will never stop, deep breath, sigh

Its so hard to feel this and not just go get high

Everything falls apart just when Im no longer trying to die

I know you don’t understand I wish I could make you see

Beyond the fake smiles and peek at the real me

I try to put it into words and explain

However there are no words to describe my inside pain

I wish I could wash it all away like rain

Cant tell anyone without sounding like Im insaine

Sometimes I try and let it out bit by bit

Feels like a never ending dark pit

Im not really trying to chase anyone away

It happens all the time, broken promises, they never stay

When I open up and admit Im really not okay

I try to be careful of my words and what I say

I mean I don’t blame anyone Id run away if I could

Doing the opposite of exactly what I should

I think its getting worse as I cant even fake

The happiness and smiles not even for others sake

The one positive Ive been gripping onto since the summer

I know I fucked it up months ago, yet cant let go, what a fuckin bummer

Been working on putting what I need into words that are crystal clear

Still don’t get what I desperately need, so here comes the blood and silent tear

Killing me but Ive kinda known what exactly I must do

I know that its with the most love and that I know Im not whats best for you