Losing Myself

Kinsey Peterson

take me

please

use me

i'm a hollow shell of who i was

but now i'm beautiful.

the purple i dyed my hair

has been ripped out with

the nails that i stopped biting

the blood of my scalp mixed with 

that of my wrists.

you didn't like my skirt

too colourful

i'll use myself to dye it red

please

love me

i didn't know i was losing myself

but now i don't care

i'm the me you wanted

the me you can touch

and kiss

and fuck

please

use me

take me

want me

if you don't, who will?

i became this for you

i'm no longer me

the sharpie lines of my drawings

have worn off my skin

i replaced them with something permanent.

you never liked the books on my shelf

or the poems on my sleeve

or the stories i told

i stopped telling them

please

i'll say whatever you want

just don't leave me

there isn't a me left to exist

without you i don't know who i am

 

i'll stop writing poems

i'll wear pink sundresses

i'll bleach my hair blonde

i'll be quiet

i'll stop singing on walks

i'll be whoever you want

but please

please

please

 

you're the only one i have left

i became this for you

i'm desperate

please

have i become good enough?

will you leave too?

 

please

  • Author: Kinsey Peterson (Offline Offline)
  • Published: November 28th, 2022 10:34
  • Comment from author about the poem: If the only person I have left no longer wants me, and I became someone they love rather than myself, what do I have left?
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 28
  • Users favorite of this poem: domilla
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Comments +

Comments3

  • Neville

    this is heart wrenchingly brilliant .. and a stern reminder of why I first fell in love with poetry .. My only hope is that the content, rather than being autobiographical, is more a reflection of your creative & poetic imagination ... All Good Things to you Joan .. Neville 🙂

    • Kinsey Peterson

      I only wish I was creative enough to express those emotions without prior experience. Thank you for the well wishing.

    • L. B. Mek

      I second Neville's comment completely
      I laud your raw and unflinching bravery
      but hope even if these words, ink
      your past experience
      they in-turn, help you overcome
      those trappings
      that take you to these unhealthy mindsets...
      my rule:
      'is to externalise my blame
      and internalise my empathy'
      as an initial response to all my traumatic experiences
      whether small or debilitating.
      (see, because we're present
      every time hurt is inflicted upon us
      we wrongly assume, that we
      are the common denominator
      in all those painful experiences
      but that's just us, at our weakened state
      trying to rationalise, that callous injustice
      of fate..
      and it's just not true, let kindness begin with yourself
      before you extend it to anyone else
      like those aeroplane emergency procedures
      first secure your own airbags)
      thanks for sharing and stay strong, dear Poet

    • domilla

      I have been trying to express the same emotion. Still wondering why people just leave

      • Kinsey Peterson

        i like to pretend they leave because they know they are not worth my time

        • domilla

          That’s a better way to cope



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