Sleeping With My Eyes Open

i’m tired.

but i can’t sleep

cause my head hits the pillow

and i’m running from my dreams.

they chase me relentlessly

and i’ve got nothing defending me

but pride gets in the way of surrendering.

i’m tired.

i wake up with headaches

from lack of sleep

and nothing helps but caffeine.

but that’ll kill me faster.

and i’m not sure wether

i want to die in my sleep

or wake up after

or wake up sadder

or wake up madder

or wake up at all.

i’m tired.

and it’s sad,

cause you don’t appreciate your life

until your about to take it.

and you recognize the hatred

that’s boiling behind your eyes.

cause everything changes

in ways we can’t explain.

the mirror shows a stranger

with two weeks worth of stubble

and yellowing teeth

sunken eyes

and failing dreams.

i’m tired of broken ears

and fake tears.

an understanding

of something they don’t understand.

cause stupidity

and bravery

go hand in hand.

they tell me i’m fine

that it’s all fake,

but i’m asleep

even though my eyes

are wide awake.

they look down

cause they’re taller than me.

and i wanna scream

that it’s bothering me.

it’s like the other guys in the gym

that are broader than me.

cause no matter how hard i try

they’re still stronger than me.

everyone i once loved

used to be on a stand

but all their names

are written in the sand.

i’m crying and coughing

cause i’m going down

like nails in a coffin.

maybe then they’ll notice me

or hear me scream

or watch me bleed

on pristine sheets

pages of poems

that they’ll never read

a part of me

they didn’t wanna see

until i signed the deed.

i’m tired

but i can’t sleep,

and i’m starving

but ghosts don’t eat.