Ba humbug!

Ba Humbug!

My wife thinks it’s Christmassy

She is buying strange things

Hanging them on a Nordic tree

From little bits of string

She’s buying lots of presents

For people I don’t know

And strange smelling incense

With names like “purple snow”

I don’t know what that is

And don’t really want to know

As long as it don’t smell like er whiz

The same as yellow snow

On Christmas Day she’s said

I can prepare the meal

So I guess it’s  water and crisp bread

If she wants to seal that deal

She asked me what I’ve bought her

I’m keeping that one close to my chest

I might have managed to infer

That some jewellery might be best

That might not even be a lie

I might get a reprieve

If the late shop has any ii can buy

Ten o’clock on Christmas Eve

I resent the Christmas crackers too

They cost more than I earn

All we do is pull them in two

And get nothing in return

Except a stupid party hat

Thar rips when it’s on my head

And a bit of metal tat

That’s probably toxic lead

My consolations is the drink

A bottle or a jug

Christmas cheer I don’t think

So …ba humbug!