Feel You

Jack, I could feel you,

Your tight grip on my wrists,

The pressure of your body

as I tried to resist.

I remember the way you looked at me

when I tried to say no

It was like you wanted to show you were in control.

You pushed harder

and I tried to say no again

You covered my mouth

so I gave up & let you win.

I literally feel you inside me, on me 

and around,

You touched and climbed me

Like I was your fucking playground.

 I have a scar of your initials on my left arm.

I have hundreds of marks on my body from all the self harm,

But that is the only one I truly regret.

It is partly hidden by my tattoo,

But I can still see and feel it,

Like I felt you.

I thought it was my fault…

Sometimes I still do.

Even the words you spoke I burnt into me,

Although those are covered up

By burns from a higher degree.

A constant reminder

That I didn’t say no,

That night is still so clear to me,

Even though it was so long ago.