my mind is my worst enemy

sometimes i think my mind is my worse enemy

it’ll drag me down lanes that lead back to you

ignited at places we’ve been

or objects that i once linked to your identity.

some twisted betrayal this is,

coming from an organ within my own body.

even if it’s outside our control or dare i say, accidentally

it’s like my brain cannot comprehend

the fact that you’re gone.

my mind craves to keep your image alive

and there’s no answers i can give it

nor reassurance i can provide

so i’ll lay there

and relive the sinking feeling

that you are now dead to me.

as if i don’t already breathe the tune of that melody.

as if i wasn’t the one who gave the final say

to ease us out of our doomed misery.

sometimes,

i think i would’ve liked it better had you stayed an unsolved mystery

but there was nothing i could’ve done differently

because you reeled me in so charmingly,

i had no second to think before i was sold under the disguise of being your best kept jewel in your treasury.

i was fool to think that you cared that much about me,

i was only there to hang off your shoulder but broke into bits like cheap accessories

but you adored me when i was still of use to you,

bc you littered me with honey sweet promises of living our lives together

as people we would never get to be

and a blissfully content future we would never ever get to see.

you went so far

just to plant a seed

for it sprout so momentarily,

so why does my mind keep taking me down to you like water to its thirsty?

i bounce back and forth between the man that you are now

and to the one i knew personally

though the love that grew between us harbored anything but loving unconditionally

i hate the image of your name that’s now etched in the walls of my brain irreversibly

you’ve caused nothing but pain

and i ultimately had to take most of the undeserved blame

so why does my brain keep you around so fucking possessively?