Growing Me Unknowingly

What is the cost emotionally 

a conscious question never asked

 

A place of puzzlement my face feels flush again with intensity of furrowed brow

 

It only comes by completing tasks 

while feelings surfaced unsurpassed 

 

Tugging at the very core of me

just who do I really think I can be now

 

Courage that it takes in moving forward gnaws at feelings deeply stored

 

How it feels a certain way when whispered screams are held at bay

 

When the outcome is unknown for now attempting to dissuade somehow

 

A sometimes fleeting emptiness surprises

does it hate when certain joy arises 

 

The parts of me kept safe til now where that vulnerability tends to hide and how

 

What is this annoying thing that tugs at me while facing what's unknown in me

 

Rebellion fights unconscious patterns threatening sheltered growth 

 

When the soul cries out for more 

beyond whats ever known before

 

The way they stay ignored answers patiently await what's unexplored 

 

Where the answers lie my mind may find 

in time only in the places ive arrived 

 

Sometimes in the stress of making plans 

it still will strike me how

 

Even when discomfort comes somehow

i still believe its meant to be this way now