Growing Me Unknowingly

What is the cost emotionally 

a conscious question never asked

A place of puzzlement my face feels flush again with intensity of furrowed brow

It only comes by completing tasks 

while feelings surfaced unsurpassed 

Tugging at the very core of me

just who do I really think I can be now

Courage that it takes in moving forward gnaws at feelings deeply stored

How it feels a certain way when whispered screams are held at bay

When the outcome is unknown for now attempting to dissuade somehow

A sometimes fleeting emptiness surprises

does it hate when certain joy arises 

The parts of me kept safe til now where that vulnerability tends to hide and how

What is this annoying thing that tugs at me while facing what's unknown in me

Rebellion fights unconscious patterns threatening sheltered growth 

When the soul cries out for more 

beyond whats ever known before

The way they stay ignored answers patiently await what's unexplored 

Where the answers lie my mind may find 

in time only in the places ive arrived 

Sometimes in the stress of making plans 

it still will strike me how

Even when discomfort comes somehow

i still believe its meant to be this way now