What things did I do, Lord, to make you so mad?
My life seems so empty, my heart feels so sad.
I know that I'm a sinner of yesterday, today and tomorrow.
For that, am I sentenced to a life full of sorrow?
For a while, God, things were going so good.
Life was unfolding just as it should.
My family and health were all on good track,
Oh how I wish there was some way to go back,
to a time when my wife was at my side,
and my kids were still innocent and bright eyed.
When cancer was something only other people had,
I really don't know how things got this bad.
Now, I ask for forgiveness each time that I pray,
and for you to restore the things that were taken away.
But then I open my eyes and all is the same.
Oh God, I'm so tired of playing this lonely game.
You say that with faith the size of a mustard seed
I could move a mountain if that was the need,
Well, surely the fact that I talk to you at all,
when it seems I might as well be talking to the wall,
is proof enough that my faith is real,
so why don't you answer me God, what's the deal?
Oh never mind, I've had all I can take.
I'm going to sleep now, I just can't stay awake.
Fast forward a year, and I find this unfinished note.
In fact, I had forgotten the stuff that I wrote.
It appeared one evening while reading the Word,
and as I read it I thought "Oh, how absurd"!
That night that I thought that I talked to the wall,
I now know, God, that you heard it all.
You heard me confess, you heard me complain,
You knew of my sadness, you knew of my pain,
and, like a Father, who grieves for his wayward son,
I know that you too wanted my mess undone.
But there was purpose in your almighty plan,
and I now see, to the extent that I can,
that I needed a mirror in which to gaze,
to be more humble and more patient in my ways.
I needed to trust you, I needed to grow,
it's now so obvious that you reap what you sow.
Oh Lord, don't let me forget what I've learned,
and help me restore some bridges that I burned.
Thank you, God, for all that you do,
for loving me even when I had given up on you
for the cure of my cancer, for the return of my wife,
For the sacrifice you made so that I could have eternal life.
-
Author:
hnbennett (
Offline) - Published: January 15th, 2023 21:19
- Comment from author about the poem: Several years ago, I was going through a really dark time. My wife had left me, I found out I had prostate cancer, my grown kids were struggling with issues, and I was in a horrible state of depression. Being a Christian, I tried to lean on God for help but felt totally isolated and it seemed that God was intentionally punishing me for something and was ignoring my prayers for help. One night, while lying in bed, I began to write this poem out of anger at God. The first half of the poem was what I wrote that night. I folded the paper and put it deep into the pages of a bible that was on the bedside table. After a year of turmoil, cancer treatment, and difficult reconciliation with my wife, I came across the paper while searching for a verse in that bible while at a small bible study group with my wife. I read what I had written and knew that in light of how things had changed over the course of a year, I had to write the second half of the poem. To me, it just shows that God does things on His own time line and with His own purpose. I hope that if you are struggling with anything and you feel like God has abandoned you, that you consider that He may just have a different timeline and may have a purpose for letting you go through the difficult things in order to grow.
- Category: Religion
- Views: 8
Offline)
Comments2
A poignant write H.
even devoid of any theological alignment
I can't help but be happy for the faith
you've anchored your self-worth upon
may it yield you the 'better'
you aspire for
and yes
even metal must first be heated and hammered
before it can be wielded, as that sword
of destiny...
thanks for sharing
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