Underneath the Surface

 

 

What to do with parts of me 

that seek to hide and find retreat 

to hidden places deep inside of me

 

Sometimes its just about 

taking time to figure out 

what's behind those feelings 

just beneath the surface 

 

History of the things left stored 

still somehow unexplored 

when the tears arrive with pain 

I would prefer to just ignore

 

I hate the way that others have to pay 

for evil games that some will play  

 

To weak to face thier shame

the hatefulness remains 

behind insidious insecurities 

and the lies they always say

 

Others still can see the way 

these little boys attempt to play 

behind that thinly veiled shrine 

of toxic masculinity 

 

Even though I'm left with scars 

I do not wish to play the part 

of yet another victim they left marred 

 

I could just call them jerks 

but I still wont just ignore 

what's hidden unexplored 

deep inside of me

 

Still it sometimes pains my core 

consciously choosing to ignore 

old habits I had used before 

to somehow mask the pain

 

If I hadn't learned a therapeutic way 

I could certainly find an easier way 

to avoid the lengthy process 

of gently excavating pain

 

I could always just get high 

or simply run away 

or maybe just distract myself 

with buying pretty things 

 

But the thing I know I can't let go of 

who I am and have become more authentically aware of

 

Who she is I'm still not always sure of 

I just know I like her more these days

than I ever dreamed I could have