Neville

Just Another Way Out

Just Another Way Out

 

She was all made up

and such

a pretty fabrication ..

Built like

a temple, yet sounded

hollow ..

Like some old church

might well

sound perhaps ..

And maybe, likewise

just as broken

She was however,

swiftly mended

But yet, there are still

those who

might suggest she had

more than

just a hand in her

very own, ultimate demise ..

 

  • Author: Neville (Offline Offline)
  • Published: January 24th, 2023 07:21
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views:
  • User favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek.

Comments9

  • Christina8

    Ooh I like this poem a lot. "built like a temple" is very sexy but the hollowness is sad......Also sad that she was the key player in her demise. Well done! x

    • Neville



      the fact you like it at all, kinda makes the whole exercise worthwhile .. thank you C x

    • Doggerel Dave

      There are some shonkey architects about......Neville.....🙂

      • Neville



        is shonkey an Oz term .. or am I just an ass for askin 🙂

        • Doggerel Dave

          Seems to be but yer got the general tenor of the post didn't yer? Incidentally, our Choice magazine (our version of your......memory lapse....)Runs Shonkey Awards every year for the most outrageously disappointing products bought to their notice (informative but also entertaining...)

        • Fay Slimm.

          A summary of inner sadness never outed hence fabrication and changeable moods --- - -- tragic indeed when no life-purpose is found demise can seem the only way out - - your powerful words hit the stages of despair so clearly methinks mon ami...............x

          • Neville



            my delayed response is entirely due to the as yet nameless she who anonymously inspired these words .. thanking you kindly our Fay x

          • Bella Shepard

            Wonderfully worded my friend. Sad for the people who never seem to be able to find their true selves, and perhaps need help all the more. They do unwittingly compound their own misery, and you can only ask why?

            • Neville



              although it doesn't sit, or feel, or seem right .. it happens all the time, doesn't it .. many heartfelt thanks Bella

            • orchidee

              A fine write N.

              • Neville



                I see you found another way in Mr. O 🙂

              • Zain Khalid

                Great!

                I love this...
                It's good to be a part of this amazing community.

                • Neville



                  thank you Zain .. I'm sure there are many who enjoy being part of this particular community too and as muchly as you 🙂

                • Goldfinch60

                  Wonderful emotive words Neville.

                  Andy

                  • Neville


                    Cheers GF60 sir ..

                  • kespat@aol.com

                    This is an encouraging start. However, there's a lot of extraneous wording that if gotten rid of will make the poem much stronger. For example: "Like some old church MIGHT sound PERHAPS.....I think removing perhaps would make the stanza resound more. The opening line is really good---in draws you in, especially "such a pretty fabrication".

                    • Neville


                      Thank you and most kindly for sharing your thoughts with regard to my most recent little scribble ..
                      I appreciate every single one & always welcome constructive advice and suggestions ..

                      Wishing you all the very best of all good things,

                      Neville

                      • kespat@aol.com

                        You're more than welcome. After all that's what we're here for---to support one another and acknowledge that desire in us that makes not writing an impossibility.

                      • L. B. Mek

                        harrowingly Brilliant!
                        so insightful Hyung
                        sadly I recognise many a friend
                        who've fallen for this
                        far, too common trapping
                        of ambition, to fit in
                        amongst circles, made more
                        of venomous tongues
                        than a forest of snakes..
                        (to me, this is less a poetic depiction
                        more, a sobering meditation
                        on the ill-fate, awaiting so many
                        who in their ambition, to fit in
                        do instead, push themselves
                        till their very foundation, of self
                        begins to creak and shudder
                        underneath, all that self-deceiving
                        and those, vultures
                        waiting to find the cracks, to exploit
                        any weakness
                        begin to throw, their insidious stones
                        wrapped in barded words, targeted
                        to do the most irreversible damage
                        ...
                        here be the price, of acceptance
                        within our so called society
                        ...
                        and yet, the alternative, is to be left
                        a bystander, to life itself
                        ...
                        fck!)



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