Όλα και Τίποτα (Everything and Nothing) Part 1 & 2

I am adrift in a sea with no end

The tides and waves rush in, in a way no soul can comprehend

It floods my being

Water in barging, tearing, claiming any and everything

My essence drifts on the waters

I know of everything

I am nothing

Everything and nothing consumes me

My thoughts scatter and arrange as the constellations do

Part of me is here and part of me is there

Within in the waves

Within stars

I cannot tell how far i’ve come or how far I will go

Scars appear and remind me of who I am 

What I should be

The storm howls and ravages my being

Everything I was, am, want to be

Is left barren, desolate

Sights

Sounds

Drifting in leave no impression

Worry kisses my mind but is swept away

I am gutted left for the sun

The heat rages in and warms 

Sun, music, life

Breezes in

Smiles lift the darkness in me

Flowers explode into stars

Sweetness tickles the wounds

Vibrance fills me 

I am everything

I know nothing

My flames burn and touch those around me

They call me kind

Blessed

A light

I shine and blind

I grow and become

I encompass the sun and dance with the breeze

In the distance the sea stirs

Whispers tease my mind

Fear

Dread

Anxiety

Curdle my stomach

I am unwanted

Not of necessity

Left for forgotten

How could a thing such as I

Be loved?

Cared for?

Desired?

I am a thorn

I am a poison

Seeping slowly

Destroying the beauty

Anxiety digs claws

Uncertainty is my parasite

All the courage 

Confidence

Surety

Is sucked away

An empty shell 

Is how I present

One goal the horridity has

Cause damage

It shreds and rips

I am pieces

Fractures of a person

Who no matter how she may try

Shall never be whole

A shattered mirror is

My reflection

Anger whips into a torrent

Ugly words and vivid feelings

Clenched fists and whispered wrath

Red swims before me

Spontaneous combustion feels as though it will

Claim me

Insults are outwardly thrusted

Sharp pieces of shrapnel

Aimed at myself

Those around me

My fury has no direction

Tugging within growls for control

Emotions are frenzied

The thunder booms

And again the waters hit

This cycle continues

Sea and sun

Tearing and building

Loving and hating

Hurting and healing

So many times until finally

Silence

I stare into the black abyss

It caresses my face and beckons

I lean towards 

Pain 

Agony

Red blooms

More marks on my skin

My hope cries out

Begging

Pleading

My sun clutching life

My sea ripping it away

Hands grabbing

Voices pleaing

Embraces

Safe

Drops falling

Blue wracks my body

Aching caves my chest

Numb and unfeeling

Hollow words ring

No meaning is present

Fog fills my thoughts

Lost and adrift in dark waters

Compass needles spin with no direction

My feet find ground

The storms clear and there

My sun awaits

The rays rove over me

Saving

Cleansing

Direction guides me

Peace settles within

The storm stays at bay

For a time

But again they come

Till I am

Lost and found till

Everything I know is

Thrown to the wind till

Darkness consumes till

Light returns and fixes till

I know all but know none till

My life is a whirlpool and

I see no way out till

I am adrift unsure of which direction to go till

All I was, am, want to be is out of proportion till

I find meaning

So vast and deep no

Words could ever touch upon

The depth, no explanation

Could or would do Justice till

I am a mangled mess torn

Between what I understand and 

What I perceive

My actions or words feel

Weightless, without impact

No hearts comprehend my visions

No mind can handle my unsureness

Tremors and quakes rock my foundation

Compass arrows point but I

Have lost footing

These otherworldly idealisms plague me till

Till….

There are suns and storms

Breezes and abysses

Life and death

Choice and freedom

Hurt and consequence 

All of this swirls enclosed within 

Until I am

Everything and nothing 

Όλα και Τίποτα δύο (Everything and Nothing Part Two)

 I battle and fight

For what I know must be right

Unrelentingly 

I will not give in

I grit my teeth and propel myself forward

The waters will not consume

The sun will shine

Even if shade comes

Even if the waters fall

I must 

Cannot see any other way

Have to keep

Must never stop 

Going 

The fire lights in my soul

The inferno blazes and swallows

It climbs and climbs

Till it’s tendrils drift out

It cannot

Will not be contained

I am something

I am remade

My soul has yet to find a direction

But the flames burn on

I know not what to do

But the sparks within

Cry

They will not be silenced

The pain and scars are not for nothing

The hurt and feelings of abandon

Are not worthless

My wings spread

Tears glisten paths down my face

I will not

Will never

Be silenced 

I will fight for me

The ones I love

The ones I know not

I will rage and show the disbelievers

The demons in my mind

The thorns in my side

That I am something

More 

More than they could comprehend

More than they could control

I am otherworldly 

An entity I thrive alone

But adore unity

Music fills my soul and stitches

But also is there to sob with

Hopes, Dreams and Wonder

Are my lyrics

Golden exudes from the hidden lights inside

A strong gust of joy and comfort

Love and compassion

A glowing paradise

I surround myself with people

Because although solitude is my language

Companionship is my song

I will Love

Kindness will be my crown

Compassion and hope

Will be my battle cry

Understanding and empathy

Will be my weapons

Love that overwhelms will be

My foundation

Caring for others will be 

My cavalry

I may drift into that sea but

I will emerge

Kinder

Stronger

Wiser

And I will be

Nothing Everything Me