Smoky Lenses

I've made my decision

I feel affixed finally

I am no longer adrift

Yet....

I still see wisps

Tales of the could be's

Of the maybes

They begin to plague me

Did I what was right?

Is this path the right one?

Never guess

Or second guess

It will drive you mad

We're all mad here already

So how do I know

I'm not mistaking

How do I know

I am not doing the something

I should not

I felt as if I was seeing clearly

For I thought

The camera I viewed life through was clean

But was it?

Do I understand?

I need my own council

I have none to give though

Every mirror I look into

Holds no answers

Every pair of eyes I dive into

I emerge

Just as confused

If not more

Than before

Where does this road go

When will it end

I decisive

But indecisive

I am not sure-footed

I am a spinning compass

No rain clouds accompany me

This time

Stop the spinning

stop

the

spinning

I need off this 

Carousel of unknowing

Lead me to a place

Of knowledge

Of surety

For mine is not unto me

A shroud of grey surrounds me

The fog obscures all

Thin tendrils stroking my cheeks

Watching

Waiting

I see no way out

Show me light

Where is the well worn path

Or even the not worn one

I see no such way

They have become overgrown

I am having to hack my way through

But how do I know this is the proper path

I always believed

In making your own way

That is easier said than done

What happens after you?

Am I to be mad

You are soon to depart

I feel no attachment

Yet...

Still need you

Well perhaps not need

But for some reason

In my mind I do

You are the one I love

However

We are not stardust collaboraters

Our souls do not entwine

At least I shall tell myself that until I believe it

Emotions are finnicky

Can be easily tricked

I feel fooled

Not once

Twice

Perhaps more than three

Anything you want you could get from me

I refuse to show you the 

Hold you have over me

I am confounded

By it

How could you exact such power

Over a soul such as mine

Determined

Driving

Clarifying

Yet...

You have managed to ensnare

Do not even realize it

Which happens to be in my luck

For if you did

I tremble to know

The consequences

I feel half mad

Half sane

Am I to be crazy then

Now?

When you depart

How shall I connect

Figure out the numbers

Chart out the stars

Oh dear one

Please tell me

What happens after you?