Bittersweet

I thought I would’ve left this world differently

But this type of death is most excruciating

Being Alive

Having your scars, regrets, sorrows, pain

Killing you

Ripping you apart

Slowly

Piece by piece

Until you’re nothing

But a dead soul

 

Drowning in the waves of my thoughts

Being stabbed by the pain and guilt

Being shot at by this so called feeling

Having the chains run straight

Through your skin

Deep, into the scared, tearful, torn

Wounded heart

 

The thoughts screaming at you

Scolding you

“Why? Why? Why?”

And only to have it answered

With the same reply

 

You can’t help but question

When shown and given the actions

You can’t help but worry

When given the same reassurance

You can’t help but wait

When have been struck by the feeling

 

Here I am though

Left in the place where I haven’t been in a long time

But once again,

Left and dropped and discarded 

In the place that everyone drops me in when it’s no longer true

Every time, different

But all in all

The same exact person

 

Who am I to trust anyone

With the flame I entrusted to them

Only for them to blow it out

And leave me with my smoldering flame?

To leave me in the dark once again?

To give me another story?

To end a chapter I once thought never had an ending?

To realize

That they showed me, that me and their life don’t belong

 

If you shall ever love

Don’t wind up like me

Because only regret, dishonesty, pain, loneliness, and false hope

Are to follow and be your close allies

But all I can tell you

Is that they are much happier without you

And the tears and pain are to follow

But be happy for them

 

But moving on now

Moving fast

Disappearing from a world that was once so magnificent

Leaving the world you once called home

Saying your goodbyes

Accepting the pain

And ascending

Into the new World

Into the Kingdom

Into the new life

Into Bittersweetness

Into you.