Lies

Today feels like my whole life
Has been a lie
I feel a stranger in my own body
A suit made of skin
That has grown too small
Maybe too big

I float in this sea of nothingness
No direction
No sight
No me

Don’t find me
I don’t want to be found
Just want to stay here
Adrift 

Another lie
I thought I was a seeker of truth
My biggest lie

I seek validation
I have known of my bias
But again I lied to myself

I wanted to change the world 
Without changing myself

Tomorrow may be different
My skin will fit just right
The windows to my soul
Will be clean

Right now they are dusty
And dirty
My laundry hanging for all to see

Don’t judge me 
It’s really not who I am
Maybe tomorrow I will find her
If she wants to be found