In the library's silent, sheltered space,
The books await our curious embrace,
Their stories old and new, their pages turned,
With every reader's interest newly earned.
The quiet whispers of the turning page,
As shelves and rows of knowledge age,
The magic of the printed word,
In stories read and songs unheard.
Amidst the quiet, endless rows,
A sense of wonder inside me glows,
In the library's tranquil, hallowed halls,
The past, the present, the future calls.
And though the world outside is dark and grim,
In the library, hope and light still swim,
With every book that we discover,
Our understanding of the world grows greater.
So let us wander, page by page,
In the library's timeless age,
And lose ourselves in words and thought,
In this haven of the mind, we're never caught.
-
Author:
berkflagg (
Offline) - Published: April 30th, 2023 04:11
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 7
Offline)
Comments1
I have a critique. And a tip to share that was passed on to me. With your permission I’ll share though it may sound a bit harsh ??
Of course !
Ok , first thing is I’m sharing what others shared w me. I listened and I got better results but I still fall back into old habits if not careful. Most important thing is to rewrite. I mean every time. Sometimes twice is required. Try to use phrases instead of complete sentences sometimes. This gives the reader an opportunity to think w you instead of just being told. Avoid pronouns when possible and NEVER start a line or phrase or stanza w a conjunction. Absolute worst offending words are AND, +!BUT. You fell into that trap a couple times in the piece but now that you know to watch out for that, it’s easy to fix. DONTNforce a rhyme like you did with “light” and even “hope” isn’t used correctly. Make sure you honor the rhyme schem you chose and ending that one stanza w the word “great” is just lazy and doesn’t fit snd it weakens the piece. That’s why we rewrite cuz that stuff get noticed w these disciplines. As an example I quickly rewrote that one lame stanza. It’s not a great or creative change but it does address the things mentioned.
Pages turn, Each Chapter Enthralls
Grim Outlooks surrender , Minds imagination now calls.
Infusing hope with each book we discover
Magical mysteries unwind , Worllds great secrets uncovered.
Same basic ideas and a lot of the same words which proves your ideas and creativity are good , so add just a little discipline and technique.
Let me know what you think????
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.