MAY 1ST, 2023

so i started to scrub the sponge onto my skin as roughly as i could

i felt as my soul was contaminated by my own demons

and the more i tried to clean that up

the more that feeling would increase

i was feeling dirty

the feeling of revulsion while watching myself was unbearable 

i wanted to feel clean

to feel light 

without any weight hovering on me

i wanted to scrub out all my fears, 

all of my feelings

but most of all

i was afraid that other people would somehow see me the way i see myself

and little by little

i shut all the doors that were open

i shut down all the possibilities of opening up to someone that wasn’t me

and at the end of the day

all i had left was me

but it wasn’t enough

i wasn’t enough for the life i claimed 

so i stayed there

with my reflection on the water

still scrubbing the sponge everywhere

as if i wanted to erase my existence

and everything that went along with it.