Life waits for no one

I constantly think about the day I could have seen you

I was dumb

I was naïve

I always knew time waits for no one, life waits for no one

and now you’re gone

A memory lurking in the air

I didn’t realise how it would affect me, the pain, the guilt

and now you’ve left

I want to go back not to the day I could have seen you

But to the days we were a family

I was a child and you an uncle

A mess, a drunk an addict

But I didn’t care

I saw you for what you were

a child in pain, slain by the battles of life, i don’t know whether you fought

maybe you did but it was clear who won

Who had the victory and had moved on

But we didn’t let the adult narrative affect our relationship

You weren’t a mess in my eyes, a drunk an addict

You were my supporter and I was yours

You were the figure lurking in the door, giving me a look and all was good

No worry no pain, you understood.

I see you now for who you truly are

A drunk an addict

I see how you’ve left your stain on us, especially on her

Life is no different

The secrets of you still lurking

A memory in the distance

A figure in the door

But I didn’t realise how it would affect me

Now you’re gone

I walk on the street hoping to see you

And it pains me

My heart churns just a little

Because it’s a thought that cannot come to fruition

I hope to see you how it was before, have a little laugh reminding me of the past

Shielding me from what I know now

But I can’t because you’re gone

And I’m here

Not getting to say goodbye was my biggest fear

But it happened

And now I’m here

Writing this to say bye, I do love you

You were a man of little words but I always knew you were there, a little smile, a helping hand

An uncle keeping away the fear

I’m sorry you were dealt  a bad hand

Life should have treated you better

But now you are my fear

A mess, a drunk an addict